Uncle Ray is quite a character and I see it fitting to create a list of his “quirks,” we’ll call them, with his blessing of course.
1) Ray and his car-
Ray has a beautiful Acura TL and takes very good care of it. As a result, anytime we go anywhere in it, it is imperative that we park 3 miles away from the nearest car and on a diagonal so that no one can park next to him. Neither snow nor sleet nor rain could make Ray park close to another vehicle.
2) Ray’s food groups-
Ray is very selective about what he puts into his body. He only drinks Diet Pepsi. No water, no milk, just Diet Pepsi, though sometimes he caves at restaurants that only have Diet Coke, but believe me, he doesn’t like it. As for food, the food groups are as follows: Cheezits (“a staple,” he says), cheese and crackers, cheeseburgers, ham and cheese sandwiches, sausage and cheese pizza (are we seeing a pattern?), and baby carrots (that’s right, a curveball!).
3) Ray loves order-
For one thing, he rotates everything, clothes, towels, shoes, so that they evenly wear. Personally, I think that’s a good idea. He also has a strict cleaning schedule on Saturday. He also likes to have all of his pocket change lined up by denomination, his pens lined up straight and his shoes all nice and neat. And lastly, he must eat his sugar free popsicles in a cycle and he must eat at least one cycle at a time (though sometimes he will eat two). The cycle is orange, grape, cherry, always in that order. I’m not kidding.
4) Ray has many pet peeves-
Although Ray has many pet peeves, the one thing that gets him the most riled up is bad driving. “Everyone’s in a big damn hurry” is his favorite saying. He also does not like when people talk on cell phones when they’re driving because as you may know, this is illegal in the state of New York and it’s dangerous. His current pet peeve, due to the season, seems to be aimed at all things Republican. He never could stand W, but now we can add Sarah Palin (“Whose at home with the kids?”) and Cindy McCain (“She looks like an aging Barbie doll! Where does she get those outfits?”) to the list. Also, because there are so many political speeches occurring right now, he also HATES when politicians give the phony thumbs up or points “to some idiot in the crowd.”
5) Ray loves sports-
In particular, Ray loves the Yankees and the Giants. He also loves Nascar. He keeps a printout of all the Yankees games in the kitchen and watches as many as possible. He also checks the score and rank online (oh yes, he is techie) and in the paper. Now that you know this, you may be inclined to get him a baseball cap for his birthday, but please refrain, he has a pile in his kitchen that looks like those stacks of pizza boxes at Papa John’s.
6) Ray loves to shop-
Not that he buys so much, but he loves to go to the mall and the outlets and get good deals. He can’t understand why anyone pays full price for anything. In fact, he recently found a Giants Superbowl shirt at the mall for $6.99 (originally $29.99). Beat that!
7) Ray loves his kitchen table-
While his living room remains very “unlived in”, the kitchen is the bustling hub of activity at 1027 West Claremont. Ray has the best spot at the table with a view of his new and improved kitchen TV. He spends much time there watching his favorite channels: The Weather Channel, MSNBC, CNBC, and ESPN. When asked why the kitchen instead of the living room, he says it’s because he likes to have a place to set things in front of him, like his Newsweek, Time, MacBook, bills, dinner, whatever. The kitchen table is very useful when you think about it, but the chairs aren’t so comfortable.
That’s Ray in a nutshell. We have been fully immersed for about a week and we just can’t get enough! Hopefully we’ll be back again soon! Oh, and I would encourage anyone who knows Ray to add a comment to this blog with any of the quirks that I forgot.