bugsii

Today was another gorgeous day.  I worked on my final papers in the morning.  I have a good working draft of each, which feels great.  But then I had about a half an hour before class without much to do, so I decided to take a little walk down to High Street and back.  I didn’t take any money and I didn’t have anywhere to go, so I just putzed along and looked around.  It felt nice to walk just to walk.  It was relaxing.  It was kind of a shame that I had to go to class from 1:30-7 after that, but hopefully there are more nice days in my future.

On a side note, one of my pals in class asked me if I had started my final paper and when I said yes (I didn’t say I had just finished the first draft), she said, “Of course you did!”  I’m not sure how to take that.

My walk to work this morning was sunny with mild temps.  By the afternoon, it was absolutely perfect outside.  On campus, it was nice to see more people lingering as they walked, many had already abandoned their coats, and I could smell spring.  I met with a professor about a paper.  It was a good talk and there’s just something about the sunshine that makes everything seem bright and hopeful.  I stopped to get coffee before class, ran into a fellow grad student and chatted for a bit.  I’m starting to feel at home here, a part of things, as much as is possible in a place marked deeply by change, growth, and departure.  At this moment, I’m enjoying being in the middle, growing and enjoying the springtime.

Ohio, don’t let me down.

Yesterday, we spent the day at the Best Picture Showcase.  I, again, filmed my reviews (and this week, my mom and Guido joined in on the fun) and posted them below.  Please, check it out.

On being filmed:

This week’s challenge was to videotape myself.  Unfortunately for Mom and Guido, they became a part of my project.  Last week it was a little more surprising.  But, when I watched my clips back over and over, as I edited, I was sort of grossed out by myself.  I didn’t know my lips looked so weird when I talked and I didn’t know my bottom teeth were so crooked.  This week, I noticed wrinkles on my chubby cheeks and my bad posture.  It wasn’t all bad though, I also noticed that I appeared more confident than I really felt.  And I seemed to be decent talking off the cuff (at least about movies).  If only Dan could be my singular audience at conferences…

I feel like I should do this again sometime, but instead of review movies talk honestly about something, about myself, my view on some issue, something I’m more passionate about.  That would probably be a bit more eye-opening.

I got a new Runner’s World today.  I got excited.  I always get excited.  But, here’s the thing.  I still have an issue and a half waiting for my under my nightstand.  In the “old days” I would read an entire Runner’s World front to back, literally every word, in a few hours.  Dan would tell me to put it down because he knew that I was always disappointed when I finished and had to wait another whole month.  Oh, how times have changed.  I still love Runner’s World, but even the books by my bed are school related.  When I read my magazine, I’m usually just thinking that I should be reading something else.  It’s tragic, I know.  Maybe I’ll try to relax a bit tonight and catch up on my back issues.

Today during my Ed Tech seminar, we skyped with a professor from Syracuse.  Even though her research interests aren’t directly aligned with mine, I thought it was great that we were all sitting there having a real conversation with a scholar at another university.  She seemed genuinely excited that we were interested in talking with her and it was good to hear another perspective.  It was cool.

Also, during that meeting I changed my desktop background from a picture of a glacier to a picture of a ladybug on a leaf.  It was sunny today, so I’m hopeful.  Take a hint, Ohio.

I’ve been dying to write.  This quarter, I’m taking three classes and, for some reason, I feel like I have to have all of my reading done before I can write.  I’ve spent some time writing, it’s true, but not as much as I’d like.  Today, I finally finished all of my reading for the quarter (next week is the last week of classes) and tomorrow, I have “writing” officially on my to-do list.  But, as soon as I crossed the out last reading assignment, I got a little nervous.  I have to write tomorrow.

My freshman year of college at American University, my roommate Tracey laughed at me when I declared that I liked reading better than writing because at least when you read, you don’t have to think.  I guess what I meant was that you absorb, you take notes, but the output is minimal.  I’ve learned over time that this shouldn’t be true, but at least at the time it was for me.  Now, reading is just as active as writing, but it’s still a lot less scary.  Tearing apart, thinking critically, figuring out how ideas fit together while reading still makes you less vulnerable than putting the mess of ideas in your head into a coherent linear format that will then be read, torn apart, criticized and “figured out” by some other reader.  I like writing.  I like creating a story, a narrative, making some sort of an argument, trying to grasp connections and identify disconnections, but it feels like more work than reading.  After a day of writing, if it was a really good day, I feel physically drained.  I feel like I’m one with that written page (screen?) and I’m communing with my computer and all of the ideas that have been slowly leaking into my brain for the past 28 years (but mostly the past 2).  It can be intense.

So, I finally get to write.  I guess I better prepare myself.

“First, I want to thank you all for agreeing to be on my committee.  You have each been influential in my graduate work and I am thrilled to have your support and guidance through the exam process.”

This is the first line of the email I sent today regarding my first committee meeting.  What this means is that, my committee and I will meet for the first time to approve that I have the required courses and we will begin developing my exam questions.  I will be taking my exams over the summer.  Once those are finished, I will be able to work on my dissertation and… eventually graduate!  This is a big, scary thing.  The first committee meeting…  I have a committee!  I have a group of people that are invested in helping me complete a PhD.  I’m just about done with coursework and I’ll be on to my own, specialized work.  I feel like I’m finally becoming.  Wow.  I’m really gonna do this.

This week’s challenge was to bake bread. I was finally able to get to baking on Friday.  I used this recipe, but modified it some by using some maple syrup and stevia instead of molasses and using all wheat flour instead of a mix of white and wheat.  I was a little worried that the yeast wouldn’t work, even though I just bought it the other day.  I think I was afraid that my water was the wrong amount of warm.  When the dough was ready, I kneaded like a maniac.  It was more physically challenging than I thought it would be, but I think that’s because the dough was dense from all the wheat flour.  I had to wait about an hour and a half for the bread to double in size.  I was impatient and I kept checking on it.  It seemed like all of the sudden, it really had doubled in size!  That was kind of exciting.  The yeast had worked!  Now, all that was left was the baking… and the eating.  I thought I would use up some sunflower seeds I had, so I sprayed the dough with olive oil and pour them on (they all just fell right off later, but nice try).  It smelled so good while it was baking that I thought I should bake bread every week.  It wasn’t too hard, just lots of waiting.  Once it was done, Dan and I dug right in.  The warm bread was awesome with some natural peanut butter!  Then, I was inspired to make some butternut squash and vegetable soup just to dunk the bread in.

Deceptive sunflower seeds

Ah, bread.  It’s just one of those givens.  It was nice to make it myself and know what was in it and what went into making it.  It’s only been two days and it’s half gone.  That’s a good sign.