The Bad Parker

If you live in the Short North somewhere near First
You may as well just accept that you are cursed
By a man that’s so terrible at parking his car
It’s hard to believe he can drive very far

Without wrecking into a curb or a sign or a tree
Or a person sitting on their porch trying to read.
It’s really that bad, cross my heart, hope he dies.
When I see that green Saturn, there’s fire in my eyes.

He parks on angles so severe, it’s a chore
Not to get out my key and carve a note on his door.
The note would say, “I hate you and your stupid pink face.
You took up two spots and hogged a perfectly good space!”

What I really want to ask, but it wouldn’t be nice:
Are you blind?  Are you lazy?  Can you not see the lines???
Do you think that you’re special and you don’t have to think?
Or do you just engage in too many pre-parking drinks?

Please move.