Asserting my agency

Let me break down the past three days for you.

Monday- Left work early to read. Read the rest of the day.

Tuesday- Read, class, read, class, Biggest Loser.

Wednesday- Read, class, read, read, read, read.  Ahhhh!

But, the good news is that I have gotten most of next week’s reading done and shall enjoy my weekend ‘o’ fun in Canton, Ohio celebrating Marcy’s wedding.

In other news, during class today, my professor had us stand in line based on how comfortable we felt with the readings on theory.  On the one end, was “Oh my god!” (I’m serious) and on the other was “I’m ready to use it.”  So, without much hesitation, I plunked myself right on the “I’m ready to use it” end because you know what?  I am ready.  Things are starting to come together for me and though I don’t know as much as I would like to know about every theorist relevant to my field, I know enough to try it out and in trying it out, I will only know it better.  I like to try to apply the theory or use it in interesting ways and I like to be stuck for a bit because, for me, I need to be in the act of applying to really get it.  I know enough to apply (or at least be dangerous) and I felt confident enough to say so.  This is sort of big for me, because my first instinct was to place myself in the middle.  Who wants to claim they know enough about theory to use it?  Don’t you just want to claim that you are sort of starting to get comfortable?  But, I really feel like there’s no such thing as knowing everything anyway, and I know enough, and that’s enough for now.  And as time goes on, I might be able to be an expert in some area and, oh, won’t that be grand.  This reminds me of the fact that I cut myself a lot when I am cooking.  I don’t really know how to cook, I just know enough to be dangerous, so I scramble around with cookbooks and tools scattered over the kitchen, rushing from one thing to the next and invariably, I cut myself or burn myself or something, but you know what?  I live and I get better at cooking.  I’m not careless, I’m fearless.